World's Worst Blogger

And the title goes to... Me!



I went on vacation without a camera! And, even though I had my computer, and tons of ideas, I didn't blog once.

But, I am back now and life is back to "normal" so let the blogging commence!

The only thing that I can think about is the call that we got today. We were called about a little guy who'd suffered physical abuse. He has a fractured skull.

He's not here with us. So, I'm sure that he found a safe home.

It's just hard to get him off my mind. I can't imagine what must happen in a family to have such a horrible thing happen to a baby. I don't want to think about how he must feel.

Please send a thought or prayer or whatever you believe in out to this little guy. Hopefully he will be able to heal physically and emotionally from what he's already been through so early on in his life.

I can feel it running away from me...

my mind, that is!

Arg!

I do not function well on poor sleep.

Miss Bean is still not doing well. She's eating and drinking very little. She's crying a lot. I feel so bad for her, but my coping skills are evaporating as the day goes on.

How much excitement can you take?

What a weekend! Can I go back to work? Ha! Like I have a job.

The zoo in a nice calm rain is great. The animals all come out to enjoy the rain. It's not unbearably hot. There aren't many crowds.

The zoo in a downpour is not so fun.

The boys still loved playing in the water, but Bethany & I were not as pleased.

Movies are fun no matter what the weather. But I have to say that they're more fun if you have one adult to every couple of kids, rather that one adult and four kids.

Urgent Care is never a good thing. They were very nice. And they have a couple new perks--they brought out a cart of a couple snacks. They now have personal t.v.'s in the exam rooms. I wish I didn't know that these were new things.

Bean's sores in her mouth came back for the first time in over a year. So, at least they're fewer and far between. Hopefully she'll sleep through the night. We both could use the rest.

We did get to take advantage of some cool technology. I know we're a bit behind, but Nana & Papa chatted with the children over the Internet tonight.

Laundry, and paperwork, and more paperwork, and more laundry, with a few dishes thrown in all await me tonight...

Are you sure I can't go back to work tomorrow?

He's getting a tattoo, yeah, he's getting ink done. He asked for a 13, but he got a 31...

As most of my friends know, I have a tattoo on my lower back. I got it when I was 20, before the term "tramp stamp" was coined. It's a Woodland Violet. I picked it for a few reasons. One, it stands for my sorority. Secondly, it reminds me of my mom--she always had African Violets. And it's pretty and girly and I just liked it.

They say that tattoos are addictive and once you get one, you'll get more. Well, I have no clue if that's true or not, but I've always wanted a second. I wanted a lion for the longest time. However, I could never find the right one. They always looked angry or mean or cartoonish (is that even a word). I couldn't find one that looked like it was simply strong.

Then, as we started adding our children, I wanted a tattoo that would represent them.

We have had two foster children who have come and gone from our home. And both of them have had a huge impact on me. And, I think, we have had a similar impact on them. One little guy came to us not speaking at all. He had food issues and behavioral issues. Each day that he was here was a struggle for us. When he left, however, he was speaking in 3-4 word phrases. He wasn't eating out of the trash anymore. He had come a long way. And I was his mom for the short time that he was here.

Our last foster kiddo was much the same. While there weren't the huge issues at the surface, there were trust issues right below the surface. There was a sadness that was there in the beginning that had all but vanished at the end.

How could I think of my children without counting those two in the flock?

Anyhow, as I contemplated, someone suggested birds to represent my children. And I thought it so appropriate. All of my kids are only here in the nest for a time. We are growing them all to be able to leave as adults. And they will all take a part of my heart with them--just as our other kids already have.

So, each of these birds is for one of my children.

I've got friends in low places...

Thankfully, my friends don't mind the company when I join them.

I just was looking at the weather here for the next few days. We're going to dip under 100 for a couple days, but then it goes back up to 104 by next weekend. I am thinking, however, that under 100 might mean that tomorrow is a day for the zoo.

After the depressing news about how "cold" our September is shaping up to be, I got to see the good news. It will be 10 degrees cooler in Sacramento next week! I am very excited. I get to go see three good friends, snuggle a newborn, and just enjoy a little kid free time.

I got a bit of that in this week here as well.

Brian came home early on Tuesday (thanks, Baby) so that I could go out with the girls. I am so lucky to have not only an amazing husband and great kids, but also wonderful friends! Renee and Jessica and I went out for sushi "in the Ra" and then to a girl's night out night at Beauty Brands. It was fun. Plain and simple. We ate amazing food. We toasted to the good and the bad and someone that Jess has never even met. We (Jess) did Renee's makeup (I helped by handing her random stuff). We all got our hands dipped in hot wax and cute little flowers painted on our nails. And we did a bit of shopping. Like I said, it was fun.

When I was in college, I had to write a life statement for a leadership class. And I picked a Jimmy Buffett quote for the top of my statement;

Some people never find it,

Some only pretend. But me,

I just want to live happily ever after

Every now and then.

Sometimes it gets hard to lose focus on the small things. That was a very fun night. It was a happily ever after night.

Then, because I'm spoiled, I got to have another one of those nights on Wednesday with the man of my dreams.

I guess I'm not spoiled. It seems I just might be a princess. I must be at the end of the movie or the end of the story, I think I've found my happily ever after--at least on occasion :)

Where to start... so many things are on my mind right now.

Family goes first. Bean is now sleeping in her big girl bed! She's moved to the toddler bed that our last foster daughter used. I think she really likes being able to get up on her own in the morning. And we've only had to put her back to bed a few times.

The little guy is having more good days than bad as far as going to school. When I left him this morning he was bawling and had to be held so he wouldn't run for the door. But, he's made a new friend and is buddies with one of the teachers now. In a couple weeks, I don't think we'll have any issues getting him to go to school.

The big boys are starting to struggle with homework. But, that's pretty normal. It's not that the work is too hard. It's more that the days are long.

I had a wonderful night out with my girlfriends last night and Brian watched a documentary that he enjoyed.

I want to vent and rant, but the washer just stopped its cycle so that will have to wait.

Fail.

Sigh.

I spent money yesterday.

But, I didn't spend much. And it was a "need" not a want. I cleaned my floors yesterday and needed solution for my floormate.

One of the struggles that I have is forgiveness. No, I don't have a problem forgiving others. I have a problem forgiving myself. Or, rather, allowing myself to fail without deeming myself a failure. Does that make any sense?

Anyhow, I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm going to get back on the horse and try again next week.

The remarkable thing about not spending is that it really opens my eyes to how many times I want to spend and what a habit spending is and has become for me.

When I posed the question about spending to a group of moms, many were surprised that this would be a challenge for me. So, it got me thinking. Even as I sit here right now there's things that are calling me to spend. I have a package that needs to be shipped. I have coupons sitting next to me. There's a new message from Southwest Air with discount air fares. At the top of my browser, there are links to all sorts of wonderful sites with untold treasures. I have been very lucky. There has never been a point in my life where I worried about my next meal. There's never been a time that I have had to do without the basics. For the most part, I've actually been pretty darn spoiled. And I don't know if that's a good thing. It makes it so easy to take things for granted.

I see it in my children now.

When I tell them that I don't have any money for the toys in the machines, they tell me to get out a credit card or to go to the bank.

When they don't get what they want when they want it, the result is disappointment or, sometimes, a tantrum.

They are spoiled.

But, now I have to play devil's advocate. When our older boys came to us, they didn't have this mentality. They didn't have a sense of entitlement. They didn't demand anything. They didn't ask for anything. And it was sad. They'd never been given things. They'd never had options.

So, I, again, I will forgive myself. I can indulge them. I can give them things. I can spoil them. Just not on Mondays.