I've moved on...

Hey there... I'm not sure if this will post in two places or not... but, I'm not blogging on this blogspot site anymore.

Brian set up a groovy new site for me awhile ago.

You can now check out my rambling @ amandadubose.com.

World's Worst Blogger

And the title goes to... Me!



I went on vacation without a camera! And, even though I had my computer, and tons of ideas, I didn't blog once.

But, I am back now and life is back to "normal" so let the blogging commence!

The only thing that I can think about is the call that we got today. We were called about a little guy who'd suffered physical abuse. He has a fractured skull.

He's not here with us. So, I'm sure that he found a safe home.

It's just hard to get him off my mind. I can't imagine what must happen in a family to have such a horrible thing happen to a baby. I don't want to think about how he must feel.

Please send a thought or prayer or whatever you believe in out to this little guy. Hopefully he will be able to heal physically and emotionally from what he's already been through so early on in his life.

I can feel it running away from me...

my mind, that is!

Arg!

I do not function well on poor sleep.

Miss Bean is still not doing well. She's eating and drinking very little. She's crying a lot. I feel so bad for her, but my coping skills are evaporating as the day goes on.

How much excitement can you take?

What a weekend! Can I go back to work? Ha! Like I have a job.

The zoo in a nice calm rain is great. The animals all come out to enjoy the rain. It's not unbearably hot. There aren't many crowds.

The zoo in a downpour is not so fun.

The boys still loved playing in the water, but Bethany & I were not as pleased.

Movies are fun no matter what the weather. But I have to say that they're more fun if you have one adult to every couple of kids, rather that one adult and four kids.

Urgent Care is never a good thing. They were very nice. And they have a couple new perks--they brought out a cart of a couple snacks. They now have personal t.v.'s in the exam rooms. I wish I didn't know that these were new things.

Bean's sores in her mouth came back for the first time in over a year. So, at least they're fewer and far between. Hopefully she'll sleep through the night. We both could use the rest.

We did get to take advantage of some cool technology. I know we're a bit behind, but Nana & Papa chatted with the children over the Internet tonight.

Laundry, and paperwork, and more paperwork, and more laundry, with a few dishes thrown in all await me tonight...

Are you sure I can't go back to work tomorrow?

He's getting a tattoo, yeah, he's getting ink done. He asked for a 13, but he got a 31...

As most of my friends know, I have a tattoo on my lower back. I got it when I was 20, before the term "tramp stamp" was coined. It's a Woodland Violet. I picked it for a few reasons. One, it stands for my sorority. Secondly, it reminds me of my mom--she always had African Violets. And it's pretty and girly and I just liked it.

They say that tattoos are addictive and once you get one, you'll get more. Well, I have no clue if that's true or not, but I've always wanted a second. I wanted a lion for the longest time. However, I could never find the right one. They always looked angry or mean or cartoonish (is that even a word). I couldn't find one that looked like it was simply strong.

Then, as we started adding our children, I wanted a tattoo that would represent them.

We have had two foster children who have come and gone from our home. And both of them have had a huge impact on me. And, I think, we have had a similar impact on them. One little guy came to us not speaking at all. He had food issues and behavioral issues. Each day that he was here was a struggle for us. When he left, however, he was speaking in 3-4 word phrases. He wasn't eating out of the trash anymore. He had come a long way. And I was his mom for the short time that he was here.

Our last foster kiddo was much the same. While there weren't the huge issues at the surface, there were trust issues right below the surface. There was a sadness that was there in the beginning that had all but vanished at the end.

How could I think of my children without counting those two in the flock?

Anyhow, as I contemplated, someone suggested birds to represent my children. And I thought it so appropriate. All of my kids are only here in the nest for a time. We are growing them all to be able to leave as adults. And they will all take a part of my heart with them--just as our other kids already have.

So, each of these birds is for one of my children.

I've got friends in low places...

Thankfully, my friends don't mind the company when I join them.

I just was looking at the weather here for the next few days. We're going to dip under 100 for a couple days, but then it goes back up to 104 by next weekend. I am thinking, however, that under 100 might mean that tomorrow is a day for the zoo.

After the depressing news about how "cold" our September is shaping up to be, I got to see the good news. It will be 10 degrees cooler in Sacramento next week! I am very excited. I get to go see three good friends, snuggle a newborn, and just enjoy a little kid free time.

I got a bit of that in this week here as well.

Brian came home early on Tuesday (thanks, Baby) so that I could go out with the girls. I am so lucky to have not only an amazing husband and great kids, but also wonderful friends! Renee and Jessica and I went out for sushi "in the Ra" and then to a girl's night out night at Beauty Brands. It was fun. Plain and simple. We ate amazing food. We toasted to the good and the bad and someone that Jess has never even met. We (Jess) did Renee's makeup (I helped by handing her random stuff). We all got our hands dipped in hot wax and cute little flowers painted on our nails. And we did a bit of shopping. Like I said, it was fun.

When I was in college, I had to write a life statement for a leadership class. And I picked a Jimmy Buffett quote for the top of my statement;

Some people never find it,

Some only pretend. But me,

I just want to live happily ever after

Every now and then.

Sometimes it gets hard to lose focus on the small things. That was a very fun night. It was a happily ever after night.

Then, because I'm spoiled, I got to have another one of those nights on Wednesday with the man of my dreams.

I guess I'm not spoiled. It seems I just might be a princess. I must be at the end of the movie or the end of the story, I think I've found my happily ever after--at least on occasion :)

Where to start... so many things are on my mind right now.

Family goes first. Bean is now sleeping in her big girl bed! She's moved to the toddler bed that our last foster daughter used. I think she really likes being able to get up on her own in the morning. And we've only had to put her back to bed a few times.

The little guy is having more good days than bad as far as going to school. When I left him this morning he was bawling and had to be held so he wouldn't run for the door. But, he's made a new friend and is buddies with one of the teachers now. In a couple weeks, I don't think we'll have any issues getting him to go to school.

The big boys are starting to struggle with homework. But, that's pretty normal. It's not that the work is too hard. It's more that the days are long.

I had a wonderful night out with my girlfriends last night and Brian watched a documentary that he enjoyed.

I want to vent and rant, but the washer just stopped its cycle so that will have to wait.

Fail.

Sigh.

I spent money yesterday.

But, I didn't spend much. And it was a "need" not a want. I cleaned my floors yesterday and needed solution for my floormate.

One of the struggles that I have is forgiveness. No, I don't have a problem forgiving others. I have a problem forgiving myself. Or, rather, allowing myself to fail without deeming myself a failure. Does that make any sense?

Anyhow, I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm going to get back on the horse and try again next week.

The remarkable thing about not spending is that it really opens my eyes to how many times I want to spend and what a habit spending is and has become for me.

When I posed the question about spending to a group of moms, many were surprised that this would be a challenge for me. So, it got me thinking. Even as I sit here right now there's things that are calling me to spend. I have a package that needs to be shipped. I have coupons sitting next to me. There's a new message from Southwest Air with discount air fares. At the top of my browser, there are links to all sorts of wonderful sites with untold treasures. I have been very lucky. There has never been a point in my life where I worried about my next meal. There's never been a time that I have had to do without the basics. For the most part, I've actually been pretty darn spoiled. And I don't know if that's a good thing. It makes it so easy to take things for granted.

I see it in my children now.

When I tell them that I don't have any money for the toys in the machines, they tell me to get out a credit card or to go to the bank.

When they don't get what they want when they want it, the result is disappointment or, sometimes, a tantrum.

They are spoiled.

But, now I have to play devil's advocate. When our older boys came to us, they didn't have this mentality. They didn't have a sense of entitlement. They didn't demand anything. They didn't ask for anything. And it was sad. They'd never been given things. They'd never had options.

So, I, again, I will forgive myself. I can indulge them. I can give them things. I can spoil them. Just not on Mondays.

65% off!

So, I blame my mom for this one. And I don't think she'll be surprised by that. I love "saving" money. Brian and my dad both agree that it's kind of a backwards concept. But, I think that the guys also agree that it's nice knowing that their women keep the family fed and looking nice without going too far overboard.


For the past couple months I have been using a site http://www.thegrocerygame.com/ to create my shopping lists. Basically, this site shows me what items to buy, where to find the coupons, and the deal that I'll get in the end. It does cost a few dollars a week, but I more than make up for it most weeks.



There's another blog that I read that the woman sets up her purchases each trip and shows how much she saved and what she got for the $$. Well, I was thinking that I'd do the same. Then I went to the store.



And I can't imagine taking an extra step and displaying what I bought. So, here are my non-displayed purchases... Basically I bought enough that it covered our table. And my savings were $171.88! I ended up spending $113. I think that around $40 in savings were from coupon.

We'll see how far the food goes though. I guess that's always the issue. I went to the store on Tuesday to do this big trip and the little guy and I went back yesterday already. I just can't fit enough milk in our fridge for a whole week. And we fly through fruit like no body's business.

One of the biggest struggles for me going from a very independent woman who contributed to our family incomes, to the stay at home parent, has been finding satisfaction. Being a mom is a never ending project. There's rarely a point that my house is totally clean (rare as in, hasn't happened to me yet), and if the laundry is done it only is done for a matter of hours, until the next change happens. When one child is having huge successes, another will be struggling. And once one task is learned, another is there waiting to be taught.

I think that's why I enjoy this "game". I get to feel like I got something accomplished. And I feel like I'm using our resources well. It's hard not contributing to our bottom line financially. So, I'm going to count this weeks savings as my part!

Where does the time go?

I guess it goes to taking our kids out. On Monday night we had the amazing opportunity to tell over 200 people just a little bit about our foster kids. Through this event 181 foster children will get to go to basketball camp for free! We got to see our favorite Globe Trotter, Buckets, in person. We also got to meet several local politicians--and we need as many of them on our side as possible these days!

It also went by pretty quickly this weekend! There was a new event in Scottsdale called, "Fostering Fun". We found a broken bat while we were touring the stadium that the Giants call home during Spring training.

Just as we were about to leave, a firetruck pulled up and all of the kids got some one on one time with the fire fighters. They all loved getting in the truck. Vinny got to try on the Captain's helmet. And the older boys are getting to an age that they can understand all of the equipment that is stored on the truck.

Again, as I post these pictures, I'm a little sad. I so wish I could plaster my little boy all over the place. His blue eyes are worth sharing! We spoke with his caseworker this week. And I am trying to relax in the fact that, "no new is good news". Our next court date is in November. At that point, hopefully we'll be able to move to the adoption side.

Homework started for our older boys this week. We are working on getting a system down that will keep all of us happy and get all of the work done to the best of their abilities. I swear, school was much easier when we were younger. Maybe my parents would disagree?

The Bean is awake.. I am being paged :)

So much to share, no time to share it!

Just wanted to let you know that No Money Monday #2 happened. Although, I did fish out some change for a parking meter last night. I didn't plan on it and didn't have any choice, so I let myself slide on that one.

We've had lots of events here lately. Saturday was a foster care event, last night was a fund raiser for foster children...

Hopefully I'll post during afternoon naps!

So, Monday was a piece of cake.

It has made me think about why I'm out and about spending so often, though. And I've realized that a lot of the time it's in the name of saving. I do CVS and the grocery store once a week with my coupons. Then I do the bread store every other week or so--it saves me about $20 a month to go to the bread outlet. And then there's Costco... we do Costco once a month or so. Again, all in the name of savings.

Enough of money chat, though!

I wanted to invite any locals to an event on Monday. Brian and I have been asked to speak at a mock-tail party. It's a fund raiser for foster children. They are raising money for scholarships to a basketball camp. There will be all sorts of local politicians (don't hold it against the event, please), a few WNBA players and coaches, and us :) The basketball camp will be in the middle of September. Daniel and David attended one earlier this summer and loved it. This time, they will get a pair of Nikes!

Anyhow, the event costs $25 a person and is nearly sold out, so if you're interested, let me know quickly!


One more note--Happy Birthday, Mom! Janice had a big birthday yesterday and I hope it was wonderful.

No money Monday?

Brian always laughs at me, but for some reason I'm more successful at things if I make them into a game. I think it might be genetic (flaw?).

Anyhow, I have the tendency to spend money mindlessly. I admit it. Sigh.

So, I'm going to set up a game with myself and see if I can make Mondays a day when I don't spend a single dollar. Think I can do it?

Today one of the teachers in Bethany's class was really late so I was at school most of the morning helping out. And I'm almost on my way back to pick up the kids. So, I think that today will be an easy success for me.

I'll keep you updated!

Things you should know about foster parents.

I don't vent (much) on here, but was just thinking about some of the things that get a little annoying as a foster parent. And I *know* that most people do not mean harm or ill will, so I figured maybe I could pass along a little education so that next time you meet a foster parent, you won't say anything offensive.

For the record, I really don't get offended.. just a little annoyed.

Here it goes;

*Please don't ask if I have any "real" children. All of my children are real. None are made out of plastic. And even if they aren't my children forever, they are my children from the day that they come into our home. And they will always be my children in my heart, even after they leave.

*It's rude to ask where my kids came from. They all came into the world the same way you or I did. They were born to a mother. They have a father. And it shouldn't matter if their birth parents are here or there.

*Yes, my children know they aren't biologically mine. Most of mine look nothing like me!

*I can't tell you what happened with their biological parents. Would you like it if I were out an about airing the worst of your deeds to all of the general public?

*I don't know when they will go home.

*Yes, it is very hard to "give them back". But, they have a family. And I want the very best for my kids.

*No, I do not have a special place in heaven. Nor do I view what I do as God's work. Honestly, I started fostering out of my own selfish want to be a parent. Now that we took the leap, we know we can handle it and we want to continue to help children. You could do the same. Even a small thing can help the life of a child. So, stop making me out to be a hero and look inside yourself for what you could do to help society--even if foster children aren't your passion, you certainly could be doing good somewhere.

*Yes, I have my hands full, but it's not really a compliment when you comment on it like that.

*Even though I am Caucasian, it hurts me deeply when you make racist comments. Those are my children you are talking about.

*Just like my children aren't plastic, neither am I. I am the "real" mom. The woman who gave birth is also real, she's the biological mom. I'm either the adoptive mom or the foster mom or just mom. You're pick. Just keep in mind that none of this is pretend. It's all very real!

*Just because my children weren't planned (per say) and we didn't wait around 9 months for them, does not mean they should be celebrated any less. I'm not saying that there needs to be a shower for every child who comes into a home, but if you'd make a dish for a new mom, it'd be nice to offer a meal for a new foster parent.

*The behaviors you see from my kids are not because they are bad kids. Every behavior is an expression of a need. But, when kids go through trauma and neglect sometimes they don't learn the "correct" (whatever that means) expression. My kids have to go through and unlearn and awful lot and we're all trying really hard here.

*There are about a bazillion easier ways to get rich than through foster care.

*The foster parents you see on the news are not the normal foster parents. They're usually horrible people. Please do not judge me based on the news.

*Foster parents don't look a certain way, they aren't a set religion. There's no set age. Each parent who chooses to foster makes that decision for his or her own reasons. You really can't pick us out of a crowd.

*Adoptions are a *big* deal! I didn't just have an accident with a condom. I have fought for my kids. I have gone to court. I have cried with joy and wept with sorrow. I don't even know what else to say about it. Just know that when we invite you to celebrate with us, when we share the news about an adoption... it's very important to us.

*If you're buying gifts for one of our children, please include all of them. If you can't afford to buy for all of them, don't buy anything at all. If you want, just buy one thing for them to share. Or just go to the dollar store. I will cover for you, or try, but it hurts my feelings as much (if not more) that my kids. I love them all. I hate that some people can't see that. If anything, my foster kids need more than our forever kids.

*Nearly all foster children just show up with the clothes on their body. And we know nothing about them. No child should have to go without. No child should have to lose a family.

*My children aren't going to just "get over" being in foster care. Even when they're adults, they will still have two sets of parents. Please continue to respect us and them as we continue to learn and grow together.

*Although I may be crazy. Me being a foster parent is not the evidence :)

*Even though we don't say it often enough, and despite the fact that our actions and words might be evidence to the contrary, we appreciate the people who've stood by us. We know that this process is hard on our friends and family, too. We are sorry that our kids have taken away the friend, daughter, son, sister, parent that we used to be. We aren't busier on purpose. We don't want to take you for granted. Thank you for being there for us!

****Oh, and last (for now), but not least... I do *NOT* need a minivan! Ha! That one's in there for a couple people, I'm sure you know who you are.****

What a day for a daydream

Can you believe it? Look at those babies! They were so little. And so very cute! I guess somethings haven't changed that much. I'm going to kick myself if I can't find the pictures that I'm looking for. Somewhere on this computer, I have pictures of Daniel and David the first day they ever came to our home. These pictures are within the first month or so that they were with us, but I will always remember them as they were that first day. They both had on overalls. They were so tiny and so curious. Brian and I were so nervous and excited and full of anticipation and hope and fear. I found the pictures!

We got the call at the end of July. There was a little guy at the house that I was doing respite for. They called and asked us if we'd be interested in two little boys. A two year old and a three year old. And, of course, we said yes. The first time we went out to meet the boys, we couldn't get past the door. The caseworker had forgotten to let the shelter know we were coming so we were stuck waiting. The next time we went we played with the boys. It was clear how loved they were. The workers at the shelter had cared for our sons like they were their sons. Daniel told Brian as soon as he could, "My mom is sick, but she's going to get better and come get me." I think we should have known we were in trouble at that point.

We went back a week or so later and took the boys to McDonald's. We *really* should have gotten the hint at this point! David climbed straight to the top of the play structure and then started bawling. He could get up, but not down. I scaled that sucker as fast as I could.

I joke that foster care is a lot like child birth.. thankfully you don't really remember how bad it was or you'd never do it again! I know that I was so anxious for them to come to our home. I remember shopping at yard sales before seeing them. I remember just waiting for the phone to ring with an update. The first ride to our home with the boys, I just kept trying to get them to talk.

After a couple weeks, on August 11, 2005, Daniel and David came home.

They didn't sleep through the night. Daniel regressed in his potty training. David would mutter, "stupidhead" to himself all day long. I was working full time still. I swear, Brian didn't eat for at least a week or two. On my first day back to work, I called Jason (Brian's cousin) to come over. He didn't get why Brian would need company until he showed up.. when he got here, one of the kids was standing on the coffee table, the other was hitting the big screen with a matchbox car. Ha!

I don't think that either of us thought it was funny back then.

The first time that I knew that I was mom was when I first took Daniel to day care. I think it was only a day or two after he was placed with us. Daniel wasn't a very emotional kid back then and he kept his distance from me--I was not his mom at that point. Anyhow, I got there and took him into the room and walked out and as soon as I got a couple steps out he started crying.

I cried and sobbed and bawled the whole way to work. I hated that day care for not scooping him up and fixing all of his problems. I had fallen for him, hard.

And, as I wipe away the tears, it's very clear that it wasn't puppy love. Those boys have filled my soul. They made me what I was born to be--a mom. And they made us a family.

Brian and I never knew how good we were together until we became parents. It's our biggest strength as a couple. And we had no clue until we added those little guys to the mix.

School...

Today is the first day of school for three of my four.

Our little guy doesn't start until next week.

All of them have been at school for a couple hours now & I can honestly say that I don't miss them. Ha! It is possibly a little *too* quiet though. The little guy is trying to talk enough for all of them, I assure you.

At the top, you'll see photos of each of the kiddos by our front door. I take one each year. I figure it'll be a good visual of how much they've grown over the years.

I started this much earlier and now all are home. All are fed. And all are off to bed. There was no drama. They all were excited. David's "girlfriends" from last year are in his class. Daniel knows two girls in his class, but it will be up to him to make a new best friend as his moved over the summer. Bethany is the oldest in her class this year (how is that possible?). She only had one accident--but she also didn't sleep during nap time. I guess she thinks that now that she's the "big girl" she doesn't need those.

The little guy and I didn't do much around here today, but I figure that a little down time was just fine for us.

Sigh.

It's so calm right now.

Brian and all of the kids are sleeping. The only noise is Brian's snore, my typing and the air conditioner.

My little brother has been returned safely to base. He works for a few days and then gets a couple more weeks off. It was *really* good to see him. I think he had fun. I know that the kids loved playing with him. And now that he knows how close we are, maybe we'll see a little more of him.

We are still in CA. We spent the morning swimming.

School starts on Monday, but I'm hoping that this trip will make summer last just a little bit longer. I think the main reason that I'm longing for more summer is the fact that it's cooler here! It's only 100, rather than the 113 that we've been having at home. It's also nice to be able to run the air conditioner all day long and not stress. And the pool is great. Almost makes me wish that we had one.

Our little guy still amazes me with how far he's come with swimming since the summer started. Today there was another little boy in the pool and he was right where our little guy was at the beginning of summer. He liked the water, but wasn't ready to make any sudden moves. Now our guy was swimming in circles around this kid. The cutest quote of the day (thus far) was from him. He'd just met the other little boy and he asks me, "Mom, can I invite my new best friend over to play?"

Too bad we don't all think of total strangers as our new best friends.

Brian and I dined at one of his friend's home last week. And I think that I may have met a new friend there. The meal was probably the best that I'd ever tasted. And the company was fun. This family welcomed us with open arms.

Anyhow, now I'm just rambling... I think I'm going to go see if I can sleep at all during this peaceful time.

All back together again...

Finally!

We are home!

My little brother is home from Iraq :) and staying with us for a few days. And my older boys are back home, too!

Such excitement.

Andrew just finished his second tour. Brian and the littles and I made the trip out to meet him in 29 Palms. He has his days and nights mixed up, but we love having him here and the kids adore their uncle Andrew. I just wish the dog didn't think he was such a threat.

And only a few hours after we got home with Andrew, Daniel and David flew back from Colorado. They had such a good time with Grandma and Grandpa that I don't think any of them wanted it to end. But, we are very happy to have them home.

I think that we are very lucky. We have great parents who play a big role in our kids' lives even though they aren't close.

I don't have time to post much--Daniel goes to the dentist today for spacers and I need to get all the troops out the door soon... But, I will share just a photo or two from Colorado. One day when I figure out this blogging junk, the photos will be where I think they should go, but for now.. photos on top, then text.

Does Anyone Know What Time It Is?

So, I've been wanting to post about this since I was going through it.. The concert on Friday was *amazing*! We went to see Earth, Wind & Fire along with Chicago.

Brian surprised me with tickets for the concert for my birthday. And the bigger part of the surprise came when we went to our seats. We were in the middle of the 3rd row! I am pretty sure that's the closest that I've ever been other than standing room only shows. And near the end of the show we stood up and were close enough to touch the stage.

They opened the show with both bands playing together...

Then Earth, Wind & Fire played their set. Hearing the horns live and seeing all the energy is just so much fun.

We also had a great time people watching. There was a single woman in front of us who just rocked out the whole night. She looked to be around 60 & asked Brian how much a beer was. When he told her ($8) she responded, "Boy, you must be thirsty." Ha! She had a very cute twang to it all as well. There were also a few couples who looked like they were wearing the same outfits that they wore to watch Earth, Wind & Fire some twenty odd years later.

Then Chicago took over for their set. I knew every.single.word by heart.

Then, they played together again. It was a two hour long show that went by in an instant. And we were both beat from singing and dancing the night away afterwards.

Here's a little silent video.. we didn't have the right camera for sound...

I know it's not right to brag, but I need to just a bit. After the concert, Brian surprised me with a night at the Arizona Biltmore. The room was beautiful and the bed was so comfy. Then we slept in! And after all of that we had a couples massage. How did I get so lucky? I'd say that it was a great way to start this next year of my life. I feel like I've started my 30's going strong!

Happy Birthday Team DuBose

We are two!

It was two years ago today that Brian and I became parents, well in the eyes of the law anyhow. It's odd. It doesn't feel like two years have past, but it feels like they've been my boys forever. And I guess somehow they really have been. When I think of the chances and timing and luck that were involved in us becoming the family for those two boys, it blows my mind. And now, with our little guy... how can I imagine life without him?

I do need to put a huge thank you out there. I'm thankfully for our friends, family, and neighbors who welcomed these two little guys so willingly. I'm thankful for whomever it was who called CPS and let someone know that these children needed help (never an easy call to make, I'm sure). I'm thankful for their birth mother. I'm thankful for the judges and caseworkers who all work to do the right thing for our kids. Most of all, I'm thankful to Brian, for being willing to go along on this crazy journey with me and for being the best daddy possible to these boys.

It wasn't long after the adoption that Daniel started school. I remember being so happy that I was able to change his name before school started. And he was so proud to be adopted! They made a book of why they are special and his page says, "I'm special because I'm adopted". There are so many things that make him special, but the adoption part makes him ours!

On this date..

31 years ago I was born (thanks Mom).
24 years ago I rode on part of RAGBRAI for the first time.
16 years ago I was in London and my friend gave me a Snicker's bar with matches for candles in lieu of a cake.
15 years ago I got my first driver's license.
13 years ago I was on a road trip with no parents and I bought my first beer.
10 years ago I bought my first *legal* beer.
7 years ago the love of my life asked if I would be his bride (thanks Brian).
5 years ago Brian and I decided that we wanted to grow our family.
4 years ago we were waiting to hear if we'd been approved as foster parents.
1 year ago I was helping a friend get ready to start her married life.

Today, that same friend gave birth to a beautiful baby girl! And I get to spend my day with the love of my life.

Just a little look back. These were taken 2 years and 3 days ago. How quickly time flies!

You came to learn something?

Gosh, I really hope not!

I was just reading about a whole blog convention. Turns out I'm supposed to be making a change or influencing people or selling stuff. Eh, I'd rather not.

I really just hope that every now and then my family hops on to see what's going on in our little world.

And this gives me a chance to get out all of the stuff that's going on here, not only in my life, but in my mind.

Besides, it's like a world wide brag book. I love my little cuties and I get to share them with everyone.

Today we went to the movies. It's been our Tuesday tradition this summer. I'd like to say we're getting good at it, but my little ones still can't sit still. We had two potty breaks during Hotel for Dogs this morning. The movie was o.k. It was a bummer that they portrayed the foster parents as cold and heartless and only in it for the money. But, I know that there are some junky foster parents that are like that. I will admit to the two of you who will read this, I cried at the end. I guess I should say this is a spoiler, but really--are you going to go watch this flick? Anyhow, at the end the kids are adopted. I leaned over and told Vinny that they were being adopted, just like we are going to adopt him. I am so ready for that day to come!

I'm stealing this from someone else who stole it...

The Things You Didn't Know Before TTC

1 That unprotected sex doesn't necessarily lead to pregnancy.
2 That your sex life would start to resemble a science experiment.
3 That the longer you TTC, the more PG women spring up around you.
4 That deep down inside, I can be a very jealous person.
5 That I would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors I go to.
6 That living your life in 2 week increments would be the norm
7 That you never knew how much you wanted to see those 2 pink lines......until only one shows up every month
8 That simply relaxing will NOT get you pregnant.
9 That you have no control over some of the goals you set...
10 That wishing really hard for something doesn't make it happen, and staring at your chart doesn't make it change!
11 That a pregnancy doesn't always equal a baby.
12 That miscarriage is so common.
13 That my friends' pregnancies would start to make me sad instead of happy.
14 That I wasted A LOT of money on Birth control pills!!
15 That my DH is the most wonderful and caring man!
16 That it is insensitive to ask people when they are having a baby!
17 That I would be happy to see abundant cervical fluid and tell my DH about it.
18 That had I bought stock in Clearblue Easy I'd have my mansion on St. Pete's Beach in FL by now.
19 That docs should prescribe Zoloft with Clomid.
20 That having AF show up makes you cry, no matter who's bathroom you are in.
21 That it does not get easier, each cycle is harder than the last.
22 That I wouldn't want to hold or see someone's baby because it just hurts way too much.
23 That talking about sex with fellow TTCers would be so easy
24 That one day all of this will make us stronger.
25 That no one I know would have any understanding as to how I feel.
26 That my temper and patience are much shorter than I ever thought.
27 That I would find it extremely difficult to be happy for other people's pregnancies and I would burst into tears upon hearing their news.
28 That I would make so many new, wonderful friends who totally get how I feel because we are all going through the same thing.
29 That I would know about other peoples' BD, CP, CM but not know their real name, their DH's name, or their occupation.
30 That I would become NUMB to the wonderful world around me that I already have (DH, family, friends, dogs, fun, etc)!
31 That I would become addicted to POAS and not sleep at night because I couldn't wait to POAS in the morning!
32 That I would learn to speak in code Like I checked CM which was EWCM but when I will POAS who knows, DH won't let me for fear of BFN
33 That you HAVE to have sex even though you don't feel like it, but because your FM says high or peak.
34 That I would dream about taking my temperature and be disappointed if I woke up at 3am and it wasn't time yet.
35 That I would buy herbs and otc creams like vitex and progest, use them for two days, and then chicken out.
36 That the two little words of "just relax" uttered by everyone I know would infuriate me beyond belief.
37 That it puts this much strain on a marriage
38 That I would have to listen to people complain about their children as if they were burdens while a child is the one thing in the world I want the most. Also, they sound as if they are trying to talk me out of having kids, like it is the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to me.
39 That you would tell everyone you're not ready for a child when they ask what your waiting for.
40 That answering questions (and usually lying) about pregnancy or family plans would hurt so bad.

I'm sure that some of the lingo will be new to a few of you who don't frequent message boards. But, the general message will still come through. I love, *love*, love my children. And I would love to have one biological child.

Preschool funnies..

The other morning we were laying with Beth before the little guy woke up. She's on her tummy between Brian and I. She reaches up and puts an arm around each of us and hugs us and tells us, "I really like you guys."

My little guy's funny is ongoing. His new thing to say is, "Let me tell you one more question." And this statement is inevitably followed by another statement, no questions involved.

Just another day in paradise..

More fun in the sun today!

At the beginning of the summer, the kids all took swim lessons. Daniel & David did great and are ready to move onto the next level. They can now safely swim without me worrying much about even knowing where they are :)

Our little guy, however, was a totally different story. Through the whole 2 week class, he cried every *single* day. He would bawl throughout the whole class. Even at the end of the class, he was still crying for the whole 45 min.

And our little princess took a Mom & Tot lesson with me. She would scream if we tried to get her to do anything she didn't want to (shocker). She did well wall walking and practicing kicking, but she wouldn't put her face in the water at all.

Now we're nearly a month later and it's like I have new kids!

Daddy & I took them to the pool this afternoon and I finally got the chance to get photographic proof of the huge progress they've made. However, it's really hard to get a photo of them in motion. And, they make quite the splash.. so the best photos are blurry.. Oh, well. Hope you enjoy anyhow!

Wow!!!

I should complain on here more often.

Court was today. And they severed our little guy's Mom's rights! Woohoo! This makes us another step closer to adoption. And this was *exactly* what we were hoping would happen at court.

Stalling...? What do you mean stalling?

Limbo go lower now...

That's where we are, limbo. And I feel like the system is stalling.

Actually I don't know that they're stalling. I do know, however, that with the economy being the huge issue it is & our state going broke. We'd love to save Arizona some money and go ahead and adopt our little boy, rather than have him in foster care any longer.

Yesterday was supposed to be a hearing for him. Brian showed up only to be told that the hearing was vacated. Now we wait. Sigh.

This month marks two years that he has been a foster child. The federal law requires that after 15 months the courts do some permanency plans. Ideally, children should not be in foster care longer than 18 months. Scratch that. Children shouldn't be in foster care. But, if they are, they shouldn't just stay there.

This month also marks two years since we adopted Daniel and David. It was only a week before their adoption that we got the call telling us that our little guy was in foster care.

Brian has always "known" that we'd adopt our little guy. I have always worried. We've been told that he was leaving the state as soon as possible. We've been told that they were going to start moving him home. We've been told about everything.

It's hard, but I need to change my perspective back to what it was when he came. It took us three months to have him moved to our home. And my goal was just to take as many pictures as possible and enjoy him for the short while that they were predicting. I just wanted to give Daniel and David the gift of knowing their biological brother.

Now, he's not only their brother through genes. He's their brother through vacations and illnesses, teasing and laughing, being naughty and being sweet. He is ours. No matter what the courts do or say, or however long they take to do it or say it.

With that, I'm off to cuddle that little guy before nap time.

In the car the other night..

Bean: I'm not going to spank my butt because it's beautiful.
Me: It's beautiful?
Bean: My butt is a Princess butt.


Ahhh.. isn't that modesty refreshing??

On a completely unrelated topic, I had lost my cell phone last week. I finally have a new one, but now I have no contact information. So, if you're someone who wants to hear from me, please send me your number. Thanks!

Home is an Everlast bag...

Another piece of wisdom that I've gleamed from Daniel's behavior coach.

Daniel will sometimes come home and just release all of the feelings he has had throughout the day. I will sometimes take this personally. But, Coach David pointed out that home is where Daniel is safe. He knows that whatever he pours out and no matter how hard he beats on us, we will still be there. We can take the punches.

So often, I do the same. I know that Brian will always love me so I can be upset with him. I can vent to him. He gets the worst of my feelings sometimes. Thankfully, he's my home... my Everlast bag. He will stand strong through all of the ups and downs. I hope he feels the same about me.

This just struck me as I was thinking about the beginning of school. All of the changes that our family will go through in such a short period of time. Thankfully, we all have home. We have a family that can roll with the punches.

Let Freedom Ring

Today my thoughts are with my brothers. I heard from Andrew that he will be coming home soon! He'll be back in the states in the beginning of August. I haven't heard from Ben in a long time. Hopefully, he's hanging in there, too.

We will not being doing anything special today. Just enjoying our family and our freedom :)

Here is something that Daniel made in celebration of Martin King Luther Jr. Day. I think that it applies year round. And it makes me so happy that our family lives in a place where we can be a little different.

I confess, this really is my favorite question to ask my kids....

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Bean: Ummm... Ironman.

Well, our A/C is kind of working right now.

And I think the high is somewhere around 106 today. Turns out that the guys who fixed it in June might have fixed it wrong. And that might be the reason we needed a new compressor. No matter who caused it, the new compressor still can't work right because of other issues.

I am so glad that we have a home warranty, but Brian is equally upset at having to deal with them on this issue.

So, what do you do in Phoenix in the summer when your A/C is down? Get the heck out of the house & find free A/C! Last night I took the kids out to dinner and to the play land at the mall. I was very proud that I entertained them and kept all of us out of the house for a whole 3 hours! I didn't even get too mad at them.

Today, we did the movies and a lap around a different mall. This time we made it for over 3 hours!

Right now they're all snoozing and I think we're going to hit the pool this afternoon for our cool off session.

The new frog is doing well.

That's all for now..

This one had better not leave us..

I am so sick & tired of all of the blarney that we're still going through with our foster care stuff that we added a different type to our family.

We have a new frog!

After going to the toy store with a friend and her kids (it's the coolest toy store ever, by the way!), I told the kids that we could go to the pet store and pick out a fish. There were these adorable little frogs @ the toy store and I thought that a fish would be easier to maintain (a.k.a. keep alive). *BUT*, then we went to the pet store and saw the cute little frogs they had there.

So, we now welcome Spotty to our family. Bean is totally afraid of the thing. But the boys are in love. They want to touch and hold him all of the time. I'm hoping that as the newness wears off we'll be able to share this pet with a couple other families.



I never thought that I'd be the mom who doesn't care for pets. But that is what I am.



I love the dog and this new frog is cute, but I could live with a pet free home.



In other news, David is now bald!

Aww.. I have great Dad's in my life!

Well, a day late & a dollar short seems to be the story of my life lately.

But, I did want to take some time, even a little late, to say something about how lucky I am. Through this past week and the struggles that it held, I was never alone. Brian is a wonderful husband and an amazing dad. When I am at the end of my rope, he takes on part of the burden. When I'm tired, he gives me the time to recharge. Watching him with the older boys at the pool was a gift that he gave to me yesterday. He has so much patience. I know that they will remember days like that when they are my age.

I remember days with my dad. We would hike or go to the Art Center or the Science Center. We had our special days together. I was kid #2 so I had the second Saturday of each month with my Dad. I'm pretty sure he knows how much that time meant to me... If not, maybe he'll read this! Thank you, Dad!

And thank you to my friends and family. This has been a challenging week for us. Thanks for letting us know that we aren't alone.

We're back down to 4 kiddos.. the baby has left us as quickly as she came.

Mama of 5, again!

Well, after the flurry of calls last week, our phone didn't ring again until yesterday. But, this was the call that counted. I now have a 6 month old daughter sleeping peacefully behind me.

She's a chunky monkey! But, has been a good baby thus far. I have no clue what to expect as far as her schedule. Last night she treated us to a full night of sleep! She slept from 8 to 5! Why didn't my other kids do that?

I wish I could post pictures! She's very cute.. but, if you want to see her you'll have to come by and help me out for a day. LOL!

What's one more..?

These really are the days that will send me to an early grave.

We've had calls about three different infants today.

None of them are here, nor on their way here (that I know of at least).

I know that there are some very happy foster mamas and papas out there that have new little bundles to love on. It breaks my heart to know that three little babies have already been hurt so early in life. But, I know that they will be loved tonight, and safe tonight.

Brian and I laugh about foster care. We had no idea how hard it would be. We had no clue that we'd willingly give our heart to be broken. And, now, after we know better, we still are eager to do it all again. We know that there are children in need. We know that we have love to give. We know that we can be the answer for one child and one family.

So, I am now trying to clean up the house and do some laundry in case we *do* add another to our crew tonight.

Either way, I have another reason to hold on extra tight to my babies tonight. I'm so glad that they came to us. I'm so lucky to have adopted three of them already. How did this all turn out so well?

Big Girls Don't Cry...

We've created a monster.

Daddy's conversation with her last night:

Daddy is whistling..

Bean: Why you do that?
Daddy: I was being silly.
Bean: Was it because you said to my surprise, like this (sung at the top of the lungs) BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY...


A few months ago I had the sad realization that the "oldies" that my kiddos are growing up with are from the 70's. This will simply not do. So, each couple of weeks I'm adding a new song to the rotation and trying to create at least one family of little ones that will know all of the good bubblegum oldies that I grew up with and love. I do mix in some of the new stuff and they have their own music that they enjoy.

One of the most interesting parts of this is that only one of the kids is really that interested in music. Bean is always dancing or bobbing her head or just kind of moving around whenever she hears anything. We had a little foster guy who did the same a few years ago. We thought it was from his bio-family, but now I'm convince that some people are just born with the music in them. What a beautiful thing.

I think I can, I think I can...

I'm feeling overwhelmed today.

My boys are back home and summer is in full swing.

We already did the grocery shopping (can I say that I love thegrocerygame.com?? I saved $123 and spent $118). And the Head Start teachers have already been out to the house to see the little ones.

All that I have to do is entertain the troops for another few hours.

Can I handle them all at the pool? I avoided it all last summer. But, I really would like them to be able to go when only I'm around. Thankfully, V is a little afraid of the water. Our little Bean is the problem, she will walk straight into the water until it's over her head. Yesterday my older boys went down the water slide! It was way exciting as they've always been to scared in the past.

Wow.

This ended up being way more of a ramble than I had planned.

Anyhow, I guess I need to kick it into gear and try to make the most out of the rest of the day.

It's gone baby, gone.

My hair, that is.

I chopped it off. I would have waited a bit so I could donate, but they wont' take hair that's been highlighted, so I went ahead and cut seven inches off. Maybe next time around I'll be able to, but I'm thinking that I'm too addicted to changing my hair to stop with the dye obsession.

So, without further ado.. here's my new do...

This is a little before & after. The "before" is a few months old, but you can see the general idea.

My big boys are still gone. The little ones are enjoying the attention and time that they have with me, but I'm finding that they aren't very good at playing without their brothers' guidance.

OH, MY GOSH... I almost forgot!

Court was yesterday for our little guy. And it was good. It was as good as we could hope for. Of course, nothing is over until it's over.. but we are now one small step closer to adding another to our family. Brian is taking bets as far as how long it will take from this point. He's thinking April of 2010. My naive & hopeful side keeps thinking it could be this year. Maybe it'll split the difference and happen in February. I think that the only thing that matters to us is that we will one day be able to call him our son without that pesky "foster" word getting in the way.

My babies are leaving me..

Well, they haven't taken off yet, but I'm pretty sure they're on the airplane already. My oldest two are heading to go to Grandma Camp this week.

I keep thinking of all of the things I forgot to pack. And all of the things that they could get into trouble for and all of the worst scenarios. I love those guys.

Schools out for summer!

Wednesday marked the last day for our little two and yesterday was Kindergarten Graduation and the last day of 1st grade. I wasn't able to make it to Daniel's celebration, but I did peak in his room to see all of the soon-to-be-2nd graders dancing on the tables.

Daniel came home heartbroken. He was already missing his teacher. She is moving this summer, and that was hard for him to know. He has such a big heart. However, I have to say that today there's been no mention of her.

David's "graduation" was a hoot. They sang songs and danced for the parents. I will put up part of the video later. I almost didn't make it to his celebration either, but "Uncle" Jason stepped up to the plate big time and was our first time babysitter. Thank goodness!

So, to mark the official first day of summer vacation we've started activites already. The kids and I did a quick run to the grocery store and post office and then hit the library. They were having a circus party to kick off the summer reading program. They all played games and picked out books and then we watched a rather unimpressive magician. It's bad when even my 2 year old can pick up on most of the tricks. They had a good time though. And now they've decided that their next trip to the library they will be looking for books about magic tricks so they can learn on their own.

So, now it's my down-time as the older boys read and the little ones sleep. The plan for this afternoon is playing in the water in the backyard...

Here are a couple photos from Buffett.

And below, you'll see what I do with all of my free time. I love being crafty. It's the one time that I actually complete anything--I don't know how it is, but whatever I clean gets dirty again nearly immediately. I made this dress for Bethany a couple weeks ago. If you know anyone who needs a baby blanket or pillowcase dress, just let me know. I'm also trying to find people to scrapbook for--so if you come across anyone, send them my way. Thanks!

Attention, attention! May I have your attention, please...

It's official, Brian and I are the foster parents of the year! Can you believe it? Neither can we! Saturday we attended the annual foster parent appreciation party for A Place to Call Home and were very flattered to recieve the honor of being the foster family of the year.

I don't think the kids were any too impressed, but they loved playing in the wave pool and the hula hoop contests.

After the APCH event, the older boys & Brian went to Fiddlesticks for *another* party. It was a family day with the Black Children's and Families Services--the organization that provides Daniel with his behavior coach.

Everyone was very tired at the end of the day, so yesterday we spent relaxing. It's the last week of school this week. And it looks like it's time for me to get the kids out the door.

I'm so sorry...

I hate to brag. BUT, life is good!

Yesterday Brian celebrated another year of life. The kids made him a huge banner & enjoyed helping pick out a cake. After opening his gifts, we went out with friends to continue the party. I think a good time was had by all. I can say with certainty that I had a blast. Thank you to those of you who made it out.

And *today* I get to go see Jimmy Buffett!

We have the cooler packed and our island styles on. I'm thinking of this as my 6 hour vacation.